Is Social Media Destroying Families?

I am sure by this title some people can relate with what I am about to write. But let me try and be academical in my approach. I am writing this simply because for a few months now, I have been overwhelmed with the concept of raising a family and balancing my social (media) life. Ahnahn, yeah I said it! The rate at which mobile devices are used in matrimonial bedrooms at the detriment of romance, communication and love, is becoming alarmingly dangerous.

Infact, I love the way an article paints the picture, "So you’re trying to have a decent conversation with your partner. They seem attentive until a noise from that shiny, flat object goes off. They quickly glance at the object, chuckle a bit then begin using their thumb to briskly type. In a few seconds, your conversation is over. Your partner can’t help it —it’s kryptonite.

You complain but they insist that they are listening to your every word. Unfortunately, you’re competing with a cell phone and you’re losing.

In a study by Joseph Grenny, author of Crucial Conversations, 87 percent of the 2,025 people surveyed reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) – the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology – is worse today than a year ago. And nine out of 10 people say that at least once a week, their friends or family stop paying attention to them in favor of something happening on their digital device.

Last night, it was the same as every other night. I wake up as early as 5am, prepare for work and by 6am you are out, barely kissing your children goodbye as you dash out to avoid the demonic traffic on Lagos roads. It is so bad that when you wake up, the first thing you search for is your mobile phone. It's like I should never have left it on the bedroom drawer whilst I sleep. Maybe I can hold it in my dream and keep clicking on Linda Ikeji's blog for gossips and glory. (That her 600 million naira mansion in Banana Island don cause wahala for my house self)

Yet as you meander the interstices of horns honking and drivers cursing, we hold still to our mobile device surfing the internet like a voluminous beast searching for food. Even at work, one is chatting or if not using the laptop (I use two laptops in my office) you are using your phone to check up on information. 

When they get home at night, most couples still cling onto their devices as they lie on the bed, reading and watching videos, giggling at the funny and shrinking at the ridiculous while their spouse do the same at the other end of the bedroom. 

This is a very bad habit and might soon degenerate into couples losing that bond of friendship that translate to love. According to a Huffington post writer, Ayesha Vardag, she said "You have to be careful not to lose sight of the real world in favour of the seductions of the keyboard. It's powerful - hold on tight to reality" she advised. 

Another survey was conducted on Huffington Post and it reads thus, "Almost a quarter of those polled by the law firm Slater and Gordon said they had at least one argument a week related to social media use, with 17 percent admitting they fought about it every day. (Those numbers are high,...)

So the question remains, why do couples keep fondling their phones even in the bedroom when they are supposed to be talking with their spouses? I am a victim of this because I do it too so the easy answer for me is; "Because I feel I could lose a juicy news or miss an important information if the phone which is the source of my primary news gathering isn't with me". My wife? She is obsessed with Linda Ikeji and the gossip mill and sometimes she sleeps with the phone under her pillow. (It's that bad) Infact, she wakes up most nights, picks up the phone to scan through as if she needs to be informed about some kind of interview the next morning. It's that bad and couples need to help each other.

We jokingly talked about it, infact we laughed hard at it blaming each other for the act yet we persisted few minutes later. Sometimes you sleep on the same bed for 2 hours and clung unto the phones or mobile device without even saying hello to each other. At first it might seem cool and you feel 'well, if we really have something to say I am sure we will say it without the phones hindering' but the truth is once started, you will gradually slip into the abyss of the 'seduction of the keyboard'. Some couples have even gone way past redemption! Lol

Solutions:

This article is not such that will spell out how to run your private affairs. Hence, there is really no fast solutions to this sort of problem. What I might do is introduce some kind of rule that says 'once we are both on bed, no one is allowed to use his or her mobile phone except for calls. This means that we are forced to talk to each other whether we like it or not till we sleep.' Or if one party is already asleep then the other can use the phone at will.

Marriage is meant to be for friendship, romance and communication. Fears, pain and anxieties should be shared between partners and vision, hope and dreams must be communicated often for a formidable force to be created. This usually happens in the bedroom, with your lover and spouse and we have allowed (or allowing) social media to take over this rare opportunity. With the infiltration of mobile phones in the bedroom, your marriage could just be heading into a zombie like zone and the earlier you get talking again, the better for both of you.