I CAUGHT HIM RED-HANDED; NOW WHAT DO I DO?

I have been married for 8 years and this June will clock our 8^th anniversary. I and my husband met in the youth fellowship of my local church and we hit it off almost immediately. He used to say I gave him tough times but I didn't envisage that as tough because after two years of being together,

we settled down and got married. He is an handsome man and despite many ladies seeking his attention as at that time (and even now), I on the other hand didn't fancy him as a bloc and I would rather turn my attention to more stable things like seeking God’s face or facing my career. He proposed and after that we got married in the church. This, however, are the rosy times.

My marriage is one that I can’t really say if its love filled. It just fell naturally into place, we both knew our roles and we did it as it comes to us. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I would absolutely do anything to be with him. He is a nice guy and all his friends and co workers speak well of him but after a while cracks started setting in and when I tried to seek for help they told me it was a normal Familiarity Syndrome in Marriage and that I should not worry.

After our second child, he insisted on having a boy because all I “ever gave him” were girls and having more children was against our initial plans. We already planned that we will have 2 kids and raise them into role models in the society but my husband no more believes in this dream and I am not ready to bend. He became less receptive towards me, gave me cold shoulders and was generally placid. I also diverted my energies towards my kids and career and sometimes for months we might not have sex.

I wasn’t really bothered because my husband was/is an important church figure so I thought that he would not do anything to sour his name. Everything became far between as we both grew apart and both of us not trying to repair the damages. We painted the picture of a good home to the outside world but inside we might not even talk to each other for weeks. We had stopped doing morning devotions together and the house was exceptionally quiet except for the occasional cries and noise of our younger daughter.

Last year December, a friend walked into my house and downloaded how she saw my husband in Ibadan with a girl in my church in a hotel. Your guess is as good as mine; How? When? Why? I just couldn't believe that friend of mine, in fact, it affected our relationship and I stopped talking to her because I felt she wanted to destroy my marriage. The rumours started flying and as a woman I needed to investigate more into it. Although I didn't have the time but I brought out time and after trailing my husband for a while and didn't see anything, I gave up the chase.

Last week Wednesday while I was in the office, I got a call from my boss to take a flight to Port Harcourt the next day, seal up a deal and be back in Lagos if possible same day. In my mind I was happy because that would be a good way of talking to my husband since we hadn't spoke in a week. The night I got home, my husband didn't return till very late and I had slept before he came in. I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to tell him but he didn't allow me. In fact he left the room because I was trying to tell him and he wasn't interested and went to sleep in the guest room. I woke up early, bath the kids and before I could grab a hold of him to tell him he was out of the house. I tried to reach his phone but I couldn't, the line was saying switched off.

I boarded the flight, rounded off the meeting and by 2 pm I was at P.H airport for my return flight to Lagos. After 30 minutes, our flight was delayed and then cancelled. I tried to change my flight but all to no avail and when it was 5 pm, I had to book a hotel, called my boss to inform her about what happened and kept trying to call my husband but to no avail. It was like he barred my number from reaching his and at this point I was scared that something bad might have happened to him. I called the house maid and my sister that had come to stay over to inquire about the girls and they said they were fine.

I got to the hotel, lodged in and was in my room till 7 pm when I decided to take a stroll round the veranda. I was looking down from the balcony when I saw someone who looked like my husband in the arms of another woman; sorry, girl! I recognised his shirt from the distance because I bought him the shirt when I traveled to Malaysia. I couldn't believe my eyes and mind and it all was like a dream. The rage that quickly enveloped me was such that I had never seen before, I quivered on the spot and if I had a gun I would have killed them both.

I ran down, grabbed him in the shirt and started to beat the hell out of him. He was too shocked to reply or defend himself for the first 2 minutes and when he got to his senses, he had a bruised nose and swollen eye. The whole hotel was in pandemonium and the little church he took along for his escapades in P.H was in bitter tears. She should be less that 21 and I know her parents from our church. She was supposed to be in school yet was gallivanting with another man’s wife in P.H.

Dear MAR, I don’t know what to do. My husband hasn't come home since last week and he has sent several entourages to come and beg me but I am SUPER angry with him and I doubt if I can ever forgive or forget this incidence. I will never forgive him; I am very sure about that.

Please help me!