Dear boss,
I want to first and foremost thank you for the opportunity
to be a part of this dream (either yours or your predecessors’) which afforded
both of us the luxury of having something called a JOB; a means of fulfillment both
materially and mentally. I am without words to quantify and qualify what
importance it is for me to be employed by this great organization and I would
love to just say thank you.
I am not here to complain like most workers do. Oh, did I call
them workers? Yes, that is how we see each other every day; WORKERS. Looks more
like a derogatory phase because we have made it look that these
days. The take home pay is deadly, never enough. Minimum wage is more like a
curse and it seems like we just work, work and work yet our pay is never sine qua non to what we put in. Oh, yeah, pay; salary; the
part most employers don’t like to hear.
Well, like I said before, I am not here to complain. I just
want to make some things clear. You know, some things I might never say to you
face to face because it look or sound inappropriate, especially since we
are never close in person, its just office thingy. I don’t know your house you don’t know
mine (I am sure mine will be known if I am investigated for fraud). I don’t know where you hang out you don’t know mine and even when we meet
at social gatherings you try to ignore me, cursing beneath your breathe and
wishing I don’t see you. Yeah, I do that sometimes too.
I just want to tell you, dear employer, that life moves in cycle. Where you are today was as a result of what you did yesterday and what you do today will determine where you will be tomorrow. You may have thought it out perfectly to
make life miserable for me; you may have planned it that life in the office will
be tough for all your subordinates; you may even have designed these all
inclusive package that enslaves us all, in the guise and nomenclature of office
ethos but you can rest assured that these things are actually grooming me to face
life’s challenges. I am stronger and wiser and better for it. Now I can operate
the computer faster, I can multi-task in super quantum time, I can boldly
answer hard and impossible questions within split seconds (you remember those
questions you bombarded me with when I first joined the company?)
Dear employer, I am most grateful for the hand of love you
showed towards me. When I lost my father, you weren’t available at the funeral.
Why should you? Are you not just my boss? I don’t expect you to be in everyone’s
funeral. Though I heard you came for Tinu’s baby shower but we all know Tinu is
the most important staff in the company. I am not sad, after all you gave me money as
compensation for my lose and asked me to resume when I want but with the
parting shot that my work is lagging behind.
Dear employer, I like your manner of motivation. It is very
straight forward with no words minced. “I WILL SACK YOU”. It sure is the best
way to make people sit up and work hard. After all many people died during the
Nigerian Immigration Service recruitment program and we heard most of them have
jobs, they just wanted better jobs. So when you tell us you will sack us, we
sure will sit up. It doesn’t mean we won’t be naughty and do as we like behind
you. It doesn’t mean we won’t watch youtube.com on office computers and leave
jobs undone till we hear your car meander into the office premises. We then sit
up, act like we have been working all day. (I don’t do it ooooooooo #justsaying)
Dear employer, for the records, I want to say that there’s
nothing you do that is wrong. You are the perfect person for the job of a
manager and boss but remember that life evolves round in a cycle; whether it be
virtuous or a vicious cycle. As much as I would love to have you as a mentor, friend
and confidant, I know that won’t be possible because just like you pay lip
service to helping me grow as an individual, I also pay lip service to stay in
this company for the rest of my life. I will simply move to the next best
company if the opportunity permits me.
Dear employer, I am not burdened by the pains of waking up
very early and going home late; not perturbed by the traffic madness and the
little take home. I am not worried by the various pecks I am supposed to enjoy
in your company but since you didn’t provide these facilities, either out of
lack of proper planning or intentional omission (who can I blame if not my
corrupt government saddled with the responsibilities of checking these
excesses), I am disenfranchised. I know by the time I retire, if it is in your
company I will be the saddest for it. I will not wait around though to live my
life in such wanton disappointment and pain. However, its been nice doing
business with you and while we are still together in this relationship, let us
both pretend all is good till we can no longer tolerate each other.
Shalom!
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