MARRIAGE? NIGHT MARKET TRANSACTION

This weekend, while discussing with my family (full family oh, both nuclear and extended), I heard a profound statement from our oloriebi (head of the family; the one who unceremoniously leads when the father is dead) and that statement made every participant sigh in great smile of despair.

Despair, but not in fear, but in the inevitability of the prospect of marriage. After massively drilling me in my conviction of my choice of partner, they asked all manner of questions and at a point I had to ask myself whether this was about; my wedding (marriage) or the regrets in theirs? In Africa, I assume we are very cautious when it comes to the issue of marriage because as much as our customs and tradition has been eroded with western infringements, we still hold sacrosanct the institution of marriage.

So every family (in Yoruba land at least) wants to be sure that the decision did not only come from love but from deeply thought about and prayerful considerations. The phrase he used was very powerful. He said, and I will write it in Yoruba, “Oja okukun ni igbeyawo, to ba daa’ro lama rin kan ta ra”. I will not do justice to it if I try to transliterate those words but I have to if I want to carry along my-none Yoruba speaking or reading audience. He said, Marriage is like a product bought in a night market (that is putting in consideration a market not lit up with electricity; a typical 18^th century African market), you will only see the product well when the morning dawns and morning sunlight beams.

In a nut-shell, good marriage is as a result of good luck as well as bad marriage could be said to be as a result of bad luck. Long courtship doesn't determine how long a marriage will last as much as short courtship determining its durability. You don’t get to meet and know the person (spouse) completely until several days, weeks, months or even years after marriage. Certain circumstances will arise that will bring out the beauty or beast of persons/people and how the situation is managed will hitherto determine what defines the finality of such union.

My oloriebi further went ahead to state that love diminishes the barest minimal after marriage and what will be needed afterwards to sustain the union will be communication, maturity and understanding. I listened to him in awe because he was man that married twice , a decision he hates but had to and he said he never planned for that whatsoever only if he had listened to our father when he was advising him 35 years ago.

I feel for him too because he has no child  and as much as life dealt him blows, he is still passionate about love and getting it right.

Yeah and he also said prayer also is paramount for a sustainable marriage. As we normally say from where I come from, “what is good needs prayer and what is also not good needs prayer”. So if love and affection and peace are in a relationship/courtship/marriage it needs prayers (for sustainability and longetivity) and if the love is lost and affection is gone in a relationship/courtship/marriage, prayer Is also needed, ‘O’un gbogbo nilo adura”

I leave you off to a great Monday as you start a wonderful week. Remember, keep hope alive for the #chibok babies snatched from us and keep on demanding that they #bringbackourgirls.

Shalom!