I
am guy of about 28 years of age, raised in Lagos though my parents hail from
Anambra state. I attended primary, secondary and tertiary education here in
Lagos State too. I grew up in a fairly middle-class family, my father a retired
soldier and now partly a pastor in a church we have been attending for more than 30
years now (sometimes I feel like he’s a shareholder in the church) and my
mother also a retired teacher.
I
can bet with my life that they both gave us the best legacy any parents would
give their children much to their capabilities. We are 5 in number and I am the
3rd born of 4 other sisters so I grew up among ladies apparently. Two
of them are presently out of the country and as much as I tried, oyinbo has refused to give me visa. But that
is not the issue. The issue I have to share has generated a lot of controversy
in the country recently and when I listen to people give their own opinion I just
smile.
While
I was growing up, my parents employed a calabar boy as our house help because
they were partly busy. We lived in the barracks most of the time and sometimes
my father had to move a lot because of his posting so after both of them deliberated;
they decided that a house help would be of help to their own little absence. The
problem was that the house help never messed with my sisters but he messed with
me. I can recall that my sisters will undress in front of him, have their
baths, do all sorts of stuffs but he had to feelings towards those actions but
when I undress or have my bath whenever he is present, he was always so uncomfortable.
He
fumbled with my private parts most of the times and because I was young I didn't understand what that meant. I should be about 8 years of age at that time or
less and one day when I was alone with him in the house, he raped me. It was a
very painful ordeal and I remembered that he bought me a lot of goodies just to
make me stop crying which I did after a while. He carefully orchestrated sex
between both of us for the next 4 years without my parents or sisters ever
knowing and although it wasn't regular but it steered something inside of me.
I
instantly thought sex was meant to be between two guys and not until I got into
the university that I got a rude shock. I tried to woo another guy in my 300
level and he publicly disgraced me. When I told my sister two years ago about my
childhood sexual experience with affiong our house help, she didn't believe me.
She said I was trying to spoil the guys name because he is still close to the
family and he also got married and as I hear, he is even a pastor. It is a
tough life to live because many times I consider suicide but because of the
training we all got from my father. I can’t even bring myself to tell my
parents about the experience and my sister that I told is because we are very
close and I know she can keep my secrets even from my other sisters.
I
am in serious and dire situation because I can’t fall in love with a lady like
my friends would. I am only interested in a guy to guy relationship and I am
surprised how people are so hardwired against such mentality. I naturally live
in darkness, shame and depression coupled with the new frenzy going on in the
country and the senseless anti-LGBT laws.
I
need answers; I need to come out from this shell I have lived for more than 20
years. I need to feel loved like any other person in the world. What do I do? Where
do I go? Please I need answers.
N:B
from mikeatols.blogspot.com
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