A QUEER SIGHT IN LAGOS

Okay, by now, if you are regular reader of my blog you know my daily hustling is hard enough. You know my itinerary and my encounters. It's fun for me. However, this morning a queer sight occurred that jerked me back to life.

I didn't know whether to laugh, jump, scream or just cry. Ok, crying wasn't an option, I just added that for effect sake, not that I cry, as in I don’t CRY… LoL.

So, I was in this danfo bus with all the seriousness of a man that woke up early and about to go for his daily business. Serious legitimate business I mean. Just in front of the notorious Police Station at Onipanu, oh yeah, in front of a police station that is, the queer thing happened. Well, what do you expect when a police station is called ONIPANU POLICE STATION?

Hahaha, I know you are dying to know what queer thing happened? Just a minute, I will get to tell you but let me pontificate for a while.

You see, everyday, queer things happen in Lagos and Nigeria as a whole. Queer stories that will burgle the sane mind. For example, if a national organisation like the Nigeria Immigration Service can carry out a futile and uselessly hopeless recruitment exercise that caused stampede and a woman with pregnancy lost her life in Lagos; that is massive QUEER to me. Also, many other young employed people with the belief that the NIS is more secured a-job, which guarantees 'no-sacking' syndrome (that was how a lady said it in the car that dropped me in fadeyi this morning, she was at the NIS recruitment exercise too despite the fact that she had a job in a bank. She told us she got there 6 am and didn't leave till 6 pm) lost their lives on this same Dark Saturday.

In my country, queer things happen on a daily basis. For example, how can a country that seats on crude oil, for whatever reasons, not have enough PMS dispensed for local consumption? What explanation do you have for that? Or, how can a country so rich like Nigeria have 67% of its population live below 1 dollar per day?

How do you explain why monies being bandied in the dailies, ludicrous monies I mean; like $20 Billion Dollars missing in NNPC are never resolved convincingly? Yet all we see is government acting like all is well. One is suspended, the other is explaining how she believes that these monies ain't stolen but the back-log of subsidies in kerosene is the reason for the $20 Billion that is probably hanging in the wire, not yet seen. Does this explanation make any sense? Nope, that is how we see our leaders. They don’t ever make sense.

So back to the queer thing I saw this morning. In front of Onipanu Police Station, scores of stranded commuters hustling to get into a mini-bus which was not a commercial bus but I guess he was trying to help. You see, in Nigeria, we have resorted to self help. The government rarely provides basic amenities so I provide power (I have a generator called I-better-pass-my-neighbour), security (I pay an OPC guy local vigilante to watch my street every night), water (I use water from the well in my compound), and transportation. What then do I need the government for? (just a muse)

Let me re-divert back to the gist. So commuters are rushing to board this good Samaritans' car, and trust me it was a whole crazy sight. Another guy was acting as if he was also trying to board the same bus. He hovered around a guy with a white ear piece in his ear, obviously connected to his phone in his pocket. I watched with apt attention, I was curious because of the intensity with which this other guy was doing around the guy with white ear piece.

Before I could say Jack-Bullock, the phone was removed from the pocket, ear-piece expunged and the guy was gone. How the owner of the phone didn’t even realise what just happened to him baffled me more. Wasn’t he listening to music through the ear piece? Why did he have the ear piece on if he wasn’t listening to music? How would a guy remove a phone from your side pocket and you won't feel something left your pocket? How do they do it; pick pockets. Woooow, that was a sight to behold.

The guy that sat beside me in the bus we boarded saw it as well and he screamed (mini-scream). I just smiled to him. So he suggested that the pick-pocket guy must be using black magic, it could never have been ordinary. I don’t think so. He is so good at his job, he wakes up as early as 6am to do it. No one wakes up at 6am to rob if he is not good at his job.

So the queer thing, is normal I guess because some of you reading this blog now might even have been a victim before. Hahahahaha, I don’t envy you. I have never been robbed all my life but since I am a Nigerian, I have been robbed all my life. I hope you understand what I mean.